For Want Of A TV and Other Short Stories
by IheartApollo
Summary: Just short sitcom type stories about our favorite Gryffindors. Probably will be MWPP along the line. First one is Set in Seventh year HP. whole bunch a diff pairings. The third chap isn't romantic...don't worry
1. For Want Of A TV

**A/N: This story was inspired by absolutely nothing! The style was inspired by RedRose44. If you haven't read her stories, you are missing out. Seriously.**

**Disclaimer: I am merely an anglofile. I am not JK Rowling. Sorry.**

Hermione: So…What are we going to do today?

Ron: WTF? Why'd you wake us up?

Harry: Stuff it, hot head!

Ron: Did you just call my head hot?

Hermione: No, sweetu-Ron. He was referring to your stereotypical red-head temper!

Ron: (To Harry) WTF is she talking about?

Harry: No idea mate.

Ron: I am so not even going to go there.

Hermione: Go where?

Ron: He just called me 'Mate'. Last time I checked, I all ready _have_ a mate.

Harry: No you idiot. I used it as in friend. Not that kind of mate. 'Cause I've all ready got one of those.

Random Person outside the window: Damn it!

Ron, Harry, Hermione, Ginny: Bloody hell!

Ron: When'd you get here?

Ginny: I've been here all night! Duh.

Ron: Oh! Is _that_ what I heard last night! I knew it wasn't Neville snoring! Damn, Harry. You must be (Hermione throws him a glare. He shuts up)

Hermione: (Trying to change the subject) So…What are we going to do today?

Ginny: Well, I was thinking that if the two of you left, Harry and I could get our thing on.

Ron: Great!

Hermione: What's great? They could, like, get an STD or something!

Ron: Gosh, Hermione! Be all pessimistic why don't ya?

Harry: You are okay with the fact that I'm …erm…cough…in bed with your sister?

Ron: Of course! Why wouldn't I be?

Ginny: Because I'm sixteen.

Hermione: And they could get AIDs or something horrendous like that!

Neville: ARGH! The big words! They burns us!

Seamus: Since when did Neville start talking about himself in the plural tense?

Lavender: Honestly! This is quite an intellectually stimulating conversation, but Seamus and I have some unfinished se-tuff to attend to.

Neville: Big words! NOOOOO!

Hermione: Since when did this turn into a love nest for half bachelors?

Harry, Ginny, Seamus, Lavender, Dean, Parvati, Ron: No idea.

Ron: OHH! I've got an idea! We could go watch _Lost_!

Dude in bathrobe who randomly walks in to room: 4 8 15 16 23 42. 4 8 15 16 23 42. 4 8 15 16 23 42.

Hermione: DIBS ON SAWYER!

Ginny: Yeah, but I get Jack!

Harry: Can I have Kate?

Ron: Only if I get Claire!

Lavender: That means Charlie is free!

Ron: Charlie my brother? Or Charlie from _Lost_ who's high on opium?

Hermione: He's a heroin addict, Ron.

Ron: No! That's terrible! Who would be addicted to female saviors?

Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Lavender, Parvati, Dean, Neville: Heroin the drug, idiot.

Seamus: (to Neville) I thought that you turned into this weird dude who talked about himself in the plural tense and hated words with more than four letters.

Neville: Oh right! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! The big words! They burns us!

Hermione: Uh… I thought we were watching _Lost._

Dean: OOHH!!! Can we watch _BattleStar: Galactica_?

Seamus, Ron and Harry: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

Parvati: I suppose Apollo is kinda cute…

Ginny, Hermione and Lavender: _**KINDA????**_

Parvati: All right. He's totally, completely, irrevocably, sock-smokingly, drop dead,…(ONE HOUR LATER) sexy.

Ginny, Hermione and Lavender: Oh yeah sista'.

Ron: (To Harry, Neville, Dean and Seamus) somehow, I feel like my masculinity was just severely threatened by a fictional character.

Harry, Neville, Dean, Seamus: (To Ron) Word…

Hermione: Wait. We don't have a T.V.!

Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Dean, Parvati, Seamus, Lavender, Neville: Damn it!


	2. Corresponding between Eras

**A/N:**** Howdy there! I just wanted to write something fun. **

**Ruby: Lily's best friend. Completely and totally in love with Sirius.**

**Gemma: Ruby's twin. Completely and totally in love with Remus.**

**James: No frikin duh. **

**Lily: Oh come on peoples.**

**Liam: Oliver Woods's dad.**

**Rebecca: Luna Lovegood's mum.**

**Andrew: Luna's dad. **

**Bella: Arabella Figg's daughter who for unexplained reasons doesn't know her father and likes to be promiscuous. Goes to Hogwarts.**

**Sirius: Sirius.**

**Remus: you all know and love him.**

**Peter: known in this story as Worm head.**

**Matthias/Isobel: two people who are basically interchangeable but live in the same house and have the same hand writing. Sorry.**

**All teachers: all teachers from HEA (Harry's Era Approximately)**

**Hermione: Hermione.**

**Ron: no it's really Ron.**

**Harry: Emotionally confused!!!!!!! JK, sort of.**

**Fred/George: also interchangeable and have the same handwriting as Matthias/Isobel.**

**And now! On with the show.**

To Whom It May Concern:

I recently woke up in the company of a half naked James Potter. If any of you can explain this I will be eternally grateful. To those of you who will suggest that I got there by my own means, you will be severely punished upon return to school at the end of next month.

Thanks for your time. I wish to have this message back by tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Lily Evans, who is Royally Pissed just FYI.

87878787878787878887878

Dear Ms. Evans,

I am sorry to hear of the predicament you landed your self in.

Dumbledore

P.S. you can't punish me. I'm a teacher. (Sticking my tongue out)

8989898989898989898989898

Dear Lils,

THAT SUCKS DIRTY DOG DICK!

I hope you kicked the sod.

I unfortunately don't know anything.

Tell him to piss off for me if you're still around him!

XO,

Gemma

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Dear Ms. Evans,

I regret to inform you that since Mr. Potter is not part of the Slug Club, you shall have to be removed from said Slug Club. Truly sorry, but I don't solicit to promiscuity.

Sincerely, (as much as this pains me to say it)

Professor Slughorn

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Dear Harry's mum,

We don't actually know you, but we do know your son. He kicks ass and you should be proud of him. Oh. James isn't so bad. You should really try to get him to send us his stuff. He has good jokes. And if he sends them to us, he can insure that they will be sold and made good profit of in the future, since that's where we are from.

#99 Diagon Alley

London, UK

Please and thank you,

Mr.s Fred and George Weasley.

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Dearest Fred and George,

WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?? DON"T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!

Lily

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Lils,

Did you shag him? Was he any good? I'll bet he was a god.

Good luck!

Bella

814814814814814814814814814814814814814814814814

Lily,

We are eternally sorry you got kicked out of the slug club for this.

And while we're on the subject, we'd like to apologize.

Sorry.

Anon.

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Dear 'Anon',

If I ever find out who you are you are more than dead.

Sincerely,

Lily.

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James,

WTF MATE?

Pad

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Pad,

We live in the same house, on the same floor in basically the same room. Why on earth did you send the owl? You don't have laryngitis anymore.

Prongs

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Prongs,

Your point?

Pad

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Prongs, Foot, Wormy one,

COULD ALL THREE OF YOU STOP FLOOING MY HOUSE!!!! IT IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY NUTS!

Moony

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Athena,

Lily woke up naked with James. What do we do?

Albus

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Albus,

So what? We do nothing. Stop calling me Athena!

Minerva

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Lily,

You were fully clothed when you woke up with James, right?

A very concerned party of four.

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AVCPOF,

Assuming you are Ruby, Liam, Rebecca and Andrew, yes I was fully clothed.

He was missing both trousers and pants.

And could you tell Bella to piss off?

Lily

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Dear Ms. Evans,

I am not a teacher. I am a fellow Hogwarts student who was born in 1979. I recently found myself in a similar position. I woke up fully clothed with a naked-from-the-waist-down Harry Potter. But you see, you are supposed to wake up with James because if the two of you never get together, the guy I woke up with wouldn't exist you see.

So I'm sorry if this is freaking you out, but you should give James a chance.

Hermione Granger

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Dear Professor Trelawney,

I am concerned. What do you know about Fred Weasley, George Weasley and Hermione Granger? They claim to be from the future. Help me.

Lily Evans.

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Miss Evans,

I'll do a reading and get back to you in ten years.

Trelawney

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To Whom It May Concern:

Trelawney SUCKS!

Don't take her classes and bite her if she tries to touch you.

Lily

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Dear Lily,

WELL SPOKEN! TRELAWNEY SUCKS DIRTY DOG DICK!!!!

Gemma and everyone else you sent the mail to.

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To Whom It May Concern:

Gemma says: Blank Sucks dirty dog dick, way way way…. too much.

Help.

Lily.

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Lily,

I agree,

Madam Pomfry

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Madam Pomfry,

Your name isn't derived from the French name for French Fry is it?

Sincerely,

The Marauders.

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To the Marauders,

Crawl in a hole and die.

Poppy

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To whom it may concern:

MADAM POMFRY IS AFTER OUR HEADS!! HELP!

The collective marauders.

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Dear Marauders,

That sucks!

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

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Dear Harry and Ron,

WHO ARE YOU?  
Marauders

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Our business,

Harry and Ron

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James,

You deserve to have three people head hunting you.

Evans.

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'Evans'

James is currently disposed so I will answer his mail; this is one of my favourite pass times!

Who is the third?

Love,

'James'

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Evans,

Please ignore what Sirius said. Who is the third?

Potter

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Potter,

Die.

Evans

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Everyone,

I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND!!!!

Bella

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Bella,

You've had many.

TMI

Everyone

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Bella,

I thought you agreed not to tell everyone!!!

Frank


	3. This ain't a scene it's a goddamn arms

**A/N: Neville and Harry are lyricists! Help us! This is a really weird one. Sorry. Based off of This ain't a scene, it's a Goddamn Arms Race by Fall Out Boy. I know it doesn't really make sense, but Harry is trying to explain the logistics to Neville of being an arms dealer/lyricist person.**

"I deal in weapons, Neville!"

"Do you care who wins?"

"No."

"why are there bands here?"

"Neville! Try to get this through your head! This isn't a scene; it's a goddamn arms race! God!" Harry yelled.

"It looks like a scene," Neville said unhelpfully.

"look. I'm in charge. People have to believe what I say. Because in this business, one doesn't normally tell the truth."

"What is this business?" Neville asked.

"Arms dealing."

"ah. I don't think I'll be much help. You see, I wrote the gospel on giving up."

"and we're all just prima donna's of the gutter."

"And that means?"

"At night we paint trash gold while people sleep. We are deceitful."

"no car crashing?"

"No."

"So this isn't a scene?"

"It's a goddamn arms race."

"And people have to believe you why?"

"Because I'm a leading man and a lyricist and I lie all the time."

"Right."

"Say it with me now, Neville."

"This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race?"

"There you go."

"This ain't a scene it's a goddamn arms race."

"Yeah!"

"This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race!"

"Go Neville!"

"THIS AIN'T A SCENE, IT'S A GODDAMN ARMS RACE!!"

"Whew!"

"I think I get it!"  
"Yeah!"

"This ain't a scene it's a goddamn arms race!!!"


	4. SITCOM!

_Setting: Harry, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Cho, and Cedric in a muggle stadium. Ron and _

_Hermione are in the stands watching the action._

**Ginny:** Harry! I love you!!! (Clings to his robes)

**Harry: **erm...

**Ginny:** and I mean, I'm incredibly gorgeous so you should take me!

**Harry:** Wait... You're a whore?!?!?! Holy fuck yeah!

**Ginny: **Really? You'll do me? 

**Harry:** Well, hell yeah! You're a whore! How much?

**Ginny: **I'm not for sale... I want your love! Not your ridiculous sum of money!

**Harry:** Oh... Hey Cho! Want to go make out?

**Ginny:** *sob*

**Cho:** Erm... Hey Cedric! Lets go have sex before you die!

**Harry:** What? Cho!! I thought you loved me!

**Cho and Cedric: ***make out*

**Harry:** *sob*

**Ron:** Pass the popcorn.

**Hermione:** (hands it to him). Why don't we have a video camera? This is better than

anything on TV!!

**Ron:** What's TV?


End file.
